Marriage Counseling vs. Couples Therapy: What Is The Difference?
As beautiful and joyful as relationships can be, and they really can be, they also come with inevitable challenges and hardship. It is more than just common to face hurdles in your relationship. Humans are inherently complicated and individual and when they step into a relationship, it is the joining of two different personalities, minds, logic and emotions. Basically, relationships aren’t always rainbows, butterflies and bliss – and guess what? That is more than okay. In fact, it’s normal.
As life changes and evolves, so will your relationship. In any long-term relationship, there will be easy and happy seasons and there will also be more difficult and stressful ones. In the moments where your relationship is struggling or just a little more strained, it’s important to remember that there are resources that were designed to help you. Couples therapy and marriage counseling are two of them.
You might be asking yourself, “Wait, those aren’t the same thing?” and you’re not alone in that thinking. Couples therapy and marriage counseling are two forms of support for relationships that are often viewed as the same thing. They are commonly used interchangeably, even in the professional world. Be that as it may, couples therapy and marriage counseling are two very different things that serve different purposes. In this article we’re going to explore marriage counseling and couples therapy – how they are similar and how they are also vastly different. It’s important to know how they are different and which one you need for YOUR relationship, so you can get the best support possible.
How do I know if my relationship needs help?
While this answer is different for different people, there are some common indicators that your relationship might need some help. Your relationship doesn’t need to be on the edge of separation in order to seek therapy. In fact – counseling and therapy are incredibly beneficial for relationships that aren’t yet “in trouble”. The beginning of a relationship, what is often referred to as “the honeymoon phase”, is said to be the easier part. Falling in love is magical and the excitement that comes with engagement and getting married is an incredibly exciting and joyful time. But what you face as a couple down the road in maintaining that relationship is the hard part. Settling into a life with another person brings on more challenges than some realize, and those difficult phases of a relationship or marriage are the ones that truly test you.
There are several indications or “signs” that your relationship could benefit from extra support and the tools that a professional third party can offer.
Some common reasons that couples seek the help of a professional are…
Communication issues
Poor conflict resolution
Infidelity or trust issues
Addiction
Differences in core beliefs or values
Parenting struggles
Sexual issues
Loss or trauma
Financial challenges
If you are facing any or all of these problems in your relationship, it may be time to seek help and support. But truly, if you or your partner have a desire to seek help even without these “symptoms” present, don’t hesitate. The healthiest and strongest relationships can still benefit from the mediation and assistance of a third party. Once you’ve recognized that you do want to seek counseling, the best place to start is determining what kind of support are you needing. This is when it is most beneficial to know the key differences between marriage counseling and couples therapy. You want to be sure you are getting the best possible assistance for your specific circumstance, and this information will allow you to do just that.
Marriage Counseling
There are many ways in which marriage counseling and couples therapy are alike. Marriage counseling, however, has key attributes that set it apart. Rather than focusing on a relationship’s history and what got your relationship to the point of needing counseling, it often focuses on the present. The purpose of marriage counseling is to focus on the ‘now’ and strengthen the weaknesses that your marriage or partnership is facing currently.
Some of the most common benefits of marriage counseling are:
Strengthening communication
Better conflict resolution
Understanding one another more effectively
Reigniting sexual desire and compatibility
Healing trust issues
Stronger co-parenting team
What To Expect From Marriage Counseling?
In marriage counseling, a licensed therapist, usually a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), will guide you through the process of working together to build a healthier foundation for your relationship. Both people in the relationship will come in ready to communicate their thoughts and feelings, and the counselor will provide a safe space for both parties to be heard and understood. Together and with the support of the counselor, the couple will come together to find solutions and tools to navigate through whatever issues you are currently facing. Whether that is daily communication or how to handle your marital conflicts in a healthier and more effective way, your therapist should be able to collaborate with you to “iron out” the issues you are bringing to them.
When is it appropriate to turn to marriage counseling?
Regardless of its title, marriage counseling isn’t just for married couples. There are often couples who seek marital counseling before they are married, which is commonly known as premarital counseling. Often couples will seek this service prior to marriage to better equip them for the difficult journey of marriage. As marriage counseling will give your relationship good tools to be stronger and healthier together, it is never too soon to start. Being proactive and going to marriage counseling before your marriage begins is not only healthy, but it is preventative of struggles that marriage’s inevitably face.
There are no prerequisites to attending marriage counseling, and while there are some stigmas surrounding it, your marriage doesn’t need to be in trouble in order to seek help. Knowing that your relationship has some flaws, both having the desire and motivation to address those flaws, and then actively seeking the support of a marriage counselor, is the best thing you can do for your marriage. If you are able to receive the help of a marriage counselor earlier on, or when the challenges have just begun, you are better equipping your marriage to face the inevitable harder seasons.
Then there are the cases in which marriage counseling is dire and absolutely necessary in an effort to “save” the marriage. Once your marriage gets to the point of what feels like no return, it is easy to feel hopeless or tempted to walk away. Marriage counseling can and is very likely to bring your marriage out of this place. If both parties are in the same place of motivation to change and commitment to making the marriage work, there is an incredibly high success rate.
Will marriage counseling actually work?
The short answer – most of the time, yes! While there are always exceptions to every rule, the majority of relationships that seek counseling end in success or at least benefit greatly. But like almost anything in life, you get out of it what you put into it. If both you are your spouse are ready and passionate about truly putting effort forth in the counseling journey, you are more likely to see huge benefit.
There are also factors that play into exactly how successful counseling and therapy are:
Both parties sharing a willingness and commitment to better themselves and the relationship
A professional who is understanding, knowledgeable and equally committed to the success of their clients’ relationship
Dedication and persistence to doing the “work” necessary
The important thing to remember is – there is no “quick fix” or perfect remedy to marital struggles. It is definitely not a “one size fits all” process and what works for one couple, won’t necessarily work for another. Go into the process with your best foot forward, be ready to implement change in and outside of the counseling sessions and know that regardless of how long it takes, you will likely walk away with a happier and healthier marriage.
Couples Therapy
Couples therapy has a very different approach than that of marriage counseling, and here’s how. While marriage counseling focuses mostly on the present time and what is happening in the marriage NOW, couples therapy focuses more on the past. Couples therapy looks at the history of your relationship and what has happened previously to get you to where you are currently. In couples therapy, you do a lot of “unpacking” of past hurt and looking at the root of the problems. Through healing the damage of the past, you are better able to handle the challenges of today and be stronger in your foundation.
Benefits of couples therapy include…
Healing betrayal and damage
Processing through infidelity and trust issues
Strengthening communication and conflict resolution
Discovering the root causes of current conflict
Repairing and restoring intimacy and sexual connection
There are common threads between the benefits of couples therapy and marriage counseling, but there are also distinctions that set them apart. If your relationship seems to be suffering because of issues that have happened earlier in the partnership, couples therapy will be the most effective choice. So many marital or relational struggles have a root cause that go far beyond what’s happening in the here and now.
What does couples therapy entail?
In couples counseling, you will attend sessions, either in person or virtually, with a couples therapist. Much like that of a marriage counselor, this therapist will hopefully provide a safe and comfortable space for both parties to feel free to communicate their feelings and issues with their partner and be better heard and understood. There are many similarities between a marriage counselor and a couples therapist, but one of the biggest is the role they play in supporting the couple. A couples therapist will actively mediate the situation, help the couple to navigate and assess the past issues in their relationship, while also offering tools and strategies to strengthen the marriage now.
Couples counseling is a very successful and effective way to navigate through relational issues, both past and present, but it is also recommended that each party seek individual therapy. If both parties can work on themselves with the help of a professional, what they can bring to the couples therapy will be more intentional.
When should we seek couples therapy?
Much like marriage counseling, there are no restrictions or set timelines on when you can seek couples therapy. You could be early on in your relationship, in the midst of a difficult season, or in a long-term marriage that needs help processing past traumas and issues. Although, couples therapy tends to be a more popular or sensible choice for the relationships who are currently trying to process or solve past hurt and struggles.
If you are currently struggling with these issues in your relationship, you may benefit from couples therapy…
Past traumas or betrayal
Lack of trust in the relationship
The consequences of infidelity
The impact and devastation of addiction or substance abuse
The absence of being romantically stimulated (not “in love” anymore)
Lack of intimacy both physically and emotionally'
Poor or damaging communication habits
Mental health challenges or the impact of mental illness within the relationship
Will couples therapy actually work?
Again, the short and general answer is – yes! If both parties have an openness and ability to bring vulnerability to the process, and an equal desire to make the relationship whole again, couples therapy is likely to work well. In addition, if you have a good couples therapist working with you who makes you feel comfortable, supported and heard – it will be even more successful.
Couples therapy is hard work. Processing through the past with your partner and uncovering the root causes to your current issues can be extremely difficult, uncomfortable and triggering. There are so many things in your past as a couple that you may want to keep suppressed and buried as a means to managing the pain that it causes. But likely, if you are facing the common relationship struggles mentioned above, discovering the root cause is key in mending what has been broken.
Finding support near you
If your marriage or relationship is facing hardship, it is important to seek help. And even more important to know what method of help to seek. Whether it’s marriage counseling, couples therapy, sex therapy, or family counseling, there are options and resources readily available to you. If you are seeking therapy near you, tap into the resources you are already in touch with. Seek referrals from friends and family, ask your primary care practitioner or utilize the tool that we all have available at our fingers; the internet.
At Insight Northwest Counseling, we offer marriage counseling, couples therapy, family therapy, individual therapy and psychiatric medication management. We have a team of licensed professionals who specialize in all of these areas and are ready to support you both in person and virtually, depending on your comfort level.