Types of Attachment Styles in Children
It is normal and healthy to want to do right by your child; to give them the very best, nurture them in all the right ways and ensure that they are given the healthiest and happiest life possible. There are endless ways to try to ensure that, but much of achieving your goals as a parent and creating a healthy foundation for your little one is based on instinct and intuition. If you are a parent, you may have heard the term attachment theory. But what is it really and what does it mean for you and your child? Attachment styles show a lot more than your relationship with your child and they indicate more than how your child behaves. A child’s attachment style can and will carry on into their adult years and affect the way they operate in relationships in their future. Read on to learn more about what attachment theory in children really is and the importance of knowing your own child’s attachment style.
Attachment theory
Attachment put simply is an emotional relationship or connection that is centered in the exchanged of comfort, security, care and safety. Each child has their own individual attachment to their primary caregiver, whether that is their mother, father or another adult figure in their home. Every child feels a certain level of safety with this person and seeks reassurance and comfort in their presence. Children are attached to their care-person to varying degrees and this could be a result of many factors. However, primarily, the way the parent responds to the child’s needs and emotions, indicates the child’s attachment to them. The safety and attachment of the child to their primary caregiver is directly linked to the level of response they get from them in a state of emotional need or distress.
Our attachment styles are established early in infancy/childhood years, with our primary caretaker. In our early years, this attachment is evolutionarily rooted in survival and safety. As we grow older in life and our primary caregiver is no longer our primary attachment, the style and degree of attachment established in childhood carries over into adulthood – affecting the way we function in relationships both romantic and not.
Where it all started
The origin of attachment theory began with a psychologist named John Bowlby in the year 1958. Bowlby had a history of working with small children with emotional issues, which led him to his curiosity of attachment style. He became focused on infant’s attachment to their mother or primary caregiver and how it affected their social, emotional and cognitive behavior. He studied specifically the separation of infants from their mothers and the maladjustments later in life in their relationships. “Bowlby defined attachment as a 'lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” Bowlby’s theory on attachment was that a child’s relationship with their mother or primary caregiver from an early age provides safety and attachment and impacts their development greatly, thus impacting them later in life. If separated from their mother in infancy, the child was inhibited the rest of their lives in relationships and otherwise.
The Ainsworth Study On Attachment Styles
While Bowlby’s findings and studies began the theory of attachment styles in children, other psychologists followed in his footsteps and performed several studies to prove and conclude more information to further develop his theories. One of the most famous studies was performed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth. She held a study called the “Strange Situation Assessment”, which further dove into Bowlby’s theories on attachment through a series of situations between an infant and their mother.
The study examined a group of infants ages 9-18 months and their behaviors and interactions in a sequence of scenarios with their mother or primary caregiver and also with an unfamiliar person. The study looks closely at the child’s behavior upon introduction, separation and reunion with both their mother and then a stranger.
The sequence of the study is as follows:
The mother and child are left alone in a room.
The child is able to explore the environment and play with the mother present.
A stranger comes into the room, communicates with the mother and then approaches the child.
The mother leaves the room quietly.
The mother then returns to comfort the child and the stranger leaves.
The mother leaves and the child is completely alone.
The stranger returns.
The mother returns and the stranger leaves.
This experiment was a way to assess how the child interacted with their attachment figure and their sense of confidence in exploring the area around them with them present, and more importantly, how they behaved and responded to their mother’s absence. The reaction of each child varied across the board, but there were commonalities among them all that offered conclusive evidence in the different styles of attachment in children. Through this experiment, Ainsworth was able to define three different attachment styles, although since her study, a fourth attachment style was categorized by researchers Main and Solomon. There have been numerous studies performed since Ainsworth’s now famous assessment that have further supported her findings.
The four attachment types
1. Secure attachment
The first and most common type of attachment in children, is secure attachment. Infants with secure attachment are comfortable and content with their attachment person and seem to feel confident to explore the area around them freely when their parent is present. They quickly turn to their parent for love and security. In the experiment, those with a secure attachment to their mother or parent, showed signs of distress and overt sadness when their parent left the room, then were visibly happy and quick to return to positive emotions when they reentered the room. An infant with a secure attachment prefers the comfort of their parent to that of a stranger but will also often feel at ease in the presence of the stranger as long as their attachment figure is present. Infants with secure attachment style often grow to be children with more confidence, empathy, higher self-esteem and better social abilities with peers. They are proven to be less aggressive, disruptive and generally more mature than children with other more anxious attachment styles.
Secure attachment is a result of a parent who responds to their child’s needs attentively and sensitively. They are quick and consistent with their response to their child’s needs and are able to give them the care and love they need, without question, which leads to a child feeling safe and secure. The attentiveness and sensitivity of an attachment figure is what allows them the confidence to roam and explore settings freely, knowing that they have their “safe person” to revisit when needed.
Secure attachment in childhood can lead to healthier and more functional habits of attachment in adult relationships, both intimate and otherwise. Those with secure attachment as small children tend to have long-lasting more trusting relationships and are better at freely communicating their feelings with peers and romantic partners. They tend to have a higher likelihood to seek support from their community and find comfort in others that they trust in their life. While some psychologists argue that the attachment style in infancy isn’t directly correlated to your attachment style in adulthood – there are many that argue otherwise.
2. Ambivalent attachment
Among the two other attachment styles that Ainsworth concluded was that of ambivalent attachment, also called insecure ambivalent attachment. Ambivalently attached infants in her study commonly showed signs of clinginess or dependency to the attachment figure when they were present, while also seeming to reject the attachment figure when they try to engage in interaction. They were considerably distressed when their attachment figure left the room, but also didn’t seem to be soothed or reassured upon their return. The infants that fell into this category didn’t seem to receive the same feelings of security and safety from their parent as that of those with a secure attachment style, resulting in a lack of desire to explore their surroundings.
Ambivalent attachment is a result of an inconsistent parent or attachment figure – someone who seldom responds to their child’s emotional needs quickly and in way that offers them safety and comfort in the way they need. Because of the absence of consistency in their attachment person, they are unable to rely on them for security the way securely attached children are.
Ambivalent attachment in infants has often led to children who displayed behavioral struggles, lack of confidence and feelings of insecurity. These children typically are wary of unfamiliar people and surroundings and slow to open up and feel comfortable around others. They are also more likely to experience separation anxiety as infants and children. As adults, those with ambivalent attachment are typically reluctant to become close to others, trust those around them and have struggles with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity in relationships and have an unhealthy codependency on partners.
3. Avoidant attachment
The third attachment classification, is the avoidant attachment style or insecure avoidant attachment. The infants who were put into this category did not seek the attention or comfort from their attachment figure when they were present. They did not look to their attachment figure for comfort, safety or attention. They didn’t experience distress in the presence and through interaction with the stranger – in fact, they appeared just as secure around the stranger as they did their own caretaker. Infants who are attached in an avoidant way are as comfortable seeking comfort from a stranger as they are their own parent. They don’t experience distress when they are separated from their attachment figure and typically don’t experience any relief when they are reunited after any amount of time. They don’t necessarily reject the attention from their parent but won’t voluntarily seek it from them either.
Unfortunately, avoidant attachment is typically a result of a parent or caretaker who is consistently ignoring the child’s emotional needs. If their primary attachment person is unavailable or insensitive to their emotions and demands, they are likely to become completely detached and independent. They begin to rely on themselves or their surrounds for comfort and reassurance, knowing their caretaker won’t offer them the safety and attention they are seeking.
Children who have an avoidant attachment style tend to be fairly independent; very capable and desiring of doing things for themselves. They typically don’t seek attention or approval from those around them, and they aren’t quick to vocalize their feelings or emotional needs. As adults, they typically struggle with intimacy and don’t express or connect emotionally in their friendships or intimate relationships. Adults with an early childhood avoidant attachment, can struggle as adults to connect intimately with others as they are unwilling or unable to communicate their feelings and emotions. Relationships demand connection and communication in order to be truly healthy and strong, and those with attachment styles that are insecure as children can struggle later in life to have stable and strong relationships.
4. Disorganized attachment
The fourth style of attachment in children, was not one that Mary Ainsworth concluded in The Strange Situation assessment. Disorganized attachment style was later added to the four main attachment style groups by two psychologists, Mary Main and Judith Solomon. Infants that fell into this attachment style had behavior and responses from all forms of attachment – quite literally, disorganized. They show signs of both resistance and avoidance and their responses to their primary attachment figure is typically apprehensive and inconsistent. Infants and children with disorganized attachment can often be described as “dazed” or disconnected completely.
Disorganized attachment is said to be a result of a parent that instills both comfort and fear. The child’s emotional needs are responded to in a harsh or potentially abusive manor, but also sometimes they respond in a more attentive way. This contrast in response from their primary attachment figure is confusing for the child and leads them to inevitably have a confusing relationship with them. The uncertainty and apprehension can lead the child to dissociate and disconnect.
Knowing your child’s attachment style
While attachment theory may not be in the first pages of all the common parenting books, recognizing your child’s attachment style is integral and significant in not only knowing how best to raise them, but also knowing how to parent them as they grow into childhood and then adulthood. Attachment style is largely in the hands of the parents, therefore making it their responsibility to learn and understand how to best nurture the child given their attachment behavior. Attachment styles are born in early infancy but can be shifted and healed as the child grows older – given the proper care and attention. If you have noticed your child’s attachment behavior and are seeking help in navigating all that it encompasses, there is support available to you.
If you are interested in seeking therapy for you and/or your child, Insight Northwest Counseling is the place for you. We specialize in child and family counseling and are ready to support you in whatever way we can. Book a consultation or request an appointment with us today. We are here for you.